I am not quite sure how my daughter Ella turned sixteen yesterday. I have a tears in my eyes as I write this. I am always amazed that I can go right back to the day she was born. For those of you who don’t know, Ella was almost 6 weeks early. My sweet girl tells me that she couldn’t wait to be with her family. I know that we teach our children a lot every day, but Ella has also taught me so much from the very beginning. Ella is one of my greatest teachers. Seth and I look at each other sometimes with astonishment because we can’t believe the wise things that come out of her mouth. We tell Ella that she is an old soul. Every year she gets better, and we love watching her grow into a beautiful, smart, kind, talented teenager. I want to share with Ella and all of you some important lessons that Ella has taught me over the years. I look forward to continuing to learn and grow with Ella in many years to come.
Life is busy happening while you are making plans!
I see that this is going to be an emotional blog as my tears are back again as I write this lesson. Ella decided that she was going to enter this world earlier than I had planned. I wanted Ella to cook inside of me for at least 5 more weeks, but she had other plans. I want to shout from the rooftops to mothers everywhere not to get attached to their birth plan. I want to tell every single mother that all that matters is that they are ok and that their baby is ok. I was not ok when Ella was born. I cried and cried and then I cried some more. When Ella was born early, they whisked her away to the NICU. A mama needs her baby when she gives birth and that did not work for me. The doctors, Seth and my mom all told me to rest and heal from my c-section. All I could think about was being with my baby. Max was at my parent’s house and Ella was in the NICU. My babies were both being well cared for and all that I could think about was that they weren’t with me. If I could go back, I would change my perspective and I would be more appreciative of the people taking care of my babies and I would be calmer for my own well-being. It’s ok that I was worried about Ella. I need to give myself grace. I got to take her home six days after she was born. Ella has been teaching me since day one that I have my own plans, but she has a different agenda. Ella has her own mind, and she is so smart and strong. She knows what she wants in life, and she goes after it. I need to trust in the process. She has taught me to be more flexible over these last 16 years.
Marches to her own drummer!
I joke with Ella that it may say that your toddler will start walking around 1 years old but Ella doesn’t listen to the rules. She will do things when she is ready. Ella walked when she was ready to walk. If you tell Ella that she needs to do something she is not going to do it if she doesn’t agree with you. If you tell Ella a fact, she is going to want to know what source you used to back yourself up. I have a feeling that my smart girl is going to end up in law school one day. We will see where the wind takes her. She is not going to roll over and do what you tell her to do. She has her own smart mind, and she uses it very well.
We think very differently!
If you know my family, you know that my oldest son Max is very intelligent. You know that he’s been at the very top of his class every year. What you don’t know is that Ella is super smart too and we don’t talk about this enough. I almost fell over when I saw her report card. I have to go look because I don’t want to misquote myself, but I think she had 100 in almost every class. The only class she got a 98 in is chorus. Can you believe that? She almost had a 100 average. This kid is super smart. She studies hard and if you have a conversation with her, you will quickly realize how smart she is. One of my favorite things about my three children getting older is having conversations with them. Ella loves to make me think. When we have discussions, she stretches my mind to think differently, and I appreciate that about her.
Embrace Your Unique Self
From a young age, Ella has always danced to the beat of her own drum. Whether it’s in her unique fashion sense or her eclectic taste in music, she embraces her uniqueness without apology. Observing her has taught me the importance of celebrating what makes us different and encouraging others to do the same. She is not one to go along with the crowd. She doesn’t care what everyone is doing. She cares what she wants to do. Be you. Be unique.
Live in the Moment
Ella has an incredible ability to be fully present, whether she’s capturing a sunset on her camera or laughing with her friends. Watching her has reminded me of the importance of living in the moment and appreciating the now, rather than always worrying about the next item on our endless to-do lists.
The Art of Listening
Ella’s empathetic nature shines through in how she listens — truly listens — to the people around her. She’s taught me that sometimes, the best way to help someone isn’t to offer advice or words but simply to be there and listen. In a world where everyone is quick to speak, there’s immeasurable value in being a good listener. When I interviewed Ella years ago and asked her for advice for parents – her advice was to just listen. Don’t give advice. Just be truly present and listen to your children.
Courage to Explore New Passions
Over the years, Ella has explored various hobbies, from poetry to photography, and with each new interest, she dives in wholeheartedly. Her courage to try new things and step out of her comfort zone has inspired me to do the same and reinforced the idea that it’s never too late to discover new passions.
Kindness, Calmness and Patience is Key
Ella needs me to present myself in a kind, calm and patient manner. I am not saying that I expect myself to be perfect. I am telling you that Ella’s nervous system needs me to be kind, calm and patient with her. She needs me to be a stabilizing base for her. She needs me to not rev her up and make her more nervous. Our kids pick up on our energy. Every child needs different things from us. Seeing what Ella needs from me has taught me how to be calmer and more patient. I don’t always succeed but I always strive to do better for her. I want this for her. She is a driving force in me being a calmer, kinder, more patient person. I see what she needs from me and I want to give her that.
Finding Joy in Learning
Ella’s love for learning, whether it’s from books, documentaries, or real-world experiences, reminds me of the joy that comes from continuous learning. It’s a lifelong journey that keeps us engaged, curious, and ever-evolving. I love hearing about what she is learning in school. Even better is the enthusiasm I hear from her about what she is learning. One of the keys to life is to always be learning and growing and I have no doubt that Ella will always be excited to learn. If I could go back (I don’t want to – I like right where I am now), I would be a better student in high school. I came alive in college learning about psychology. I found high school to be very boring. If I knew Ella in high school, her love for learning would have rubbed off on me. Keep learning Ella Bella.
The Importance of Self-Care
Watching Ella take time for herself has reinforced the importance of self-care in maintaining our mental, emotional, and physical health. It’s a reminder that taking care of oneself isn’t selfish but necessary. Ella has no problem saying no if she needs to rest or if she needs to do homework. She is very self-aware when she needs to take time for herself. She is very aware when she needs time to study or do nothing at all. This has been a great thing for me to observe and learn from Ella.
Unconditional Love
The unconditional love that Ella shows to her family and friends, regardless of the circumstances, has taught me the deepest meaning of love. It’s steadfast, forgiving, and all-encompassing — a lesson that has not only touched my heart but also taught me how to be a better mother, wife, and friend. Ella has the kindest, sweetest, most loving soul and I learn from her every day.
As Ella celebrates her sixteenth birthday, I am grateful for all these lessons and more. She may be growing up, but she continues to enlighten and shape the world around her in the most beautiful ways. Here’s to many more years of learning from each other. Happy Birthday, Ella! I couldn’t be prouder of you, and I couldn’t love you more!
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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