I remember my prom with such fondness. I had the best time and made good memories. I had a boyfriend which made the junior and senior prom easy for me. There were no promposals. There was no social media. My parents weren’t posting pictures. It was 30 years ago and a completely different time.
When you have good memories of prom, you want that for your children. My friend is texting me as I type this saying, “My kids are not me.” Ok, but Lillie is a lot like me. She is a better version of me. Lillie is my youngest child. Max is my oldest child and Ella is in the middle. I have a feeling Ella and Lillie are going to want to go to their proms. I can hope! Max is a different story.
Maybe you didn’t want to go to your prom.
Maybe you went with friends.
Maybe you couldn’t find a date, so you skipped it.
Maybe you had a bad experience at prom.
Everyone’s story is so different. I try to get into my kids shoes and understand what they are thinking and feeling. Max and Ella are so different from me that I work hard to understand them. Max has given me lessons on what it is like to be an introvert. He stands at the board and teaches the class but is an introvert? Can you tell I still need work on understanding what it’s like to be introverted. I better do some research and studying. Maybe that’s the next blog. Maybe the difference is the setting? A classroom vs. a dance.
I suggested Max go to his junior prom. I strongly suggested that Max go to his junior prom. I told Max he needs to go to his junior prom. I told him he would regret not going. I told him he may have a wonderful time. The thing about Max that makes him super successful is that once he makes up his mind there is almost no changing it. He is very stubborn, and it will take him very far in life! Stubborn has its great points to it and stubborn isn’t always easy to parent.
Does Max have options for people to go with? Yes. Does he want to go? No! Have I accepted this? No! Do I want to force him to go? No! I do know a family that is forcing their son to go. I am impressed that their son is listening, and I hope that he has a good time. My friend told me today that dances are not important to Max. That was really helpful to hear. Max is focused on his schoolwork and his 5 AP exams. That is what Max cares about.
If your child doesn’t want to go to prom. I hope that it isn’t because they have no one to go with. I hope that every child that wants to go has at least one friend that they can go with! They may not realize that they can just ask a friend to go with them. The pressure of needing to have a date should be let go. Let’s just encourage them to go with their friends.
If your child is going with a big group of people, I hope that they are being inclusive. Always encourage your child to include others!
If your child doesn’t want to go to prom and you have encouraged them and tried to problem solve any issues – know that you aren’t alone. Know that every child doesn’t want to go to prom. My sweet, kind, smart, funny son doesn’t want to go to prom. I don’t want him to go for me. I want him to go because he wants to go. He doesn’t want to go.
Help your child deal with the pressure of prom:
They do not need a limo.
They do not need the perfect dress.
They do not need their hair and make up done (I know my girls will ask for this).
They do not need the perfect promposal. Who made up this idea anyway?
Take down the parent pressure too. I let go of any of the pressure I’ve been putting on Max. I am officially done.
Encourage them to go with friends instead of needing to find a date.
Remember that it is all about your child making memories and having a good time. That is what it is really all about.
If your child is going to junior or senior prom, let them be safe and have a wonderful time. If your child is like mine and doesn’t want to go, you aren’t alone. We have all these milestone pressures in our brains for our children. My child must study and get good grades. My child must join sports and clubs. My child must go to college. My child must go to the prom. Our children are writing their own stories. It isn’t our story. We had our chance to write our own prom story. It’s their turn. Max says I’ll be telling his kids one day that he wouldn’t go to the prom. We will laugh about this one day. Today I am sad. One day I will laugh!
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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