I’m going to quickly summarize my own experience with college and then I’m going to dive into my son’s experience so far. My parents told me that they would pay for Buffalo State College or The University at Buffalo. I said okay and I went to UB for six years and earned my undergraduate degree in Psychology and my graduate degree in Social Work. I had a wonderful time and loved it. I didn’t know anything different and was beyond grateful that my parents were willing and able to pay for 6 years of schooling for me! I just told our parents at dinner how thankful we are that our parents paid for college and that we met each other with zero college debt.
My husband went to Syracuse University. He went away to school. He loved it. He wants this for our kids. I was feeling flexible on this whole college process. I told Seth to take it child by child and see what is best for each of our children. Note that we have three very different children.
Our son Max is a smart cookie. All our kids are very smart and very hard workers. Somewhere along the way in high school Max decided that he wanted to earn 100 on everything he did. I did not agree with this and tried to talk him down from these extremely high pressured standards.
Max decided his school needed a math club and started this. Max decided to run for President of National Honor Society. Max decided he wanted to do a very cool internship at UB with graduate students. Max decided around Freshman year in high school that Cornell was his dream school. Max decided a lot of things and I went along for the ride as his biggest cheerleader. His dad and grandparents may share this title with me, but I tend to try to trump everyone as I gave birth to him.
Tip: Have your kids build up their resume! They have to sell themselves to colleges!
We began touring schools and Max wanted to go see Cornell, MIT, Harvard and Yale. I started to see a pattern of Max dreaming of attending an Ivy League school. I asked him to broaden his horizons, and we made him apply to a lot of schools. I think Max applied to 14 schools. We had many conversations about safety schools. I brought up Binghamton and UB many times. How about an affordable SUNY school I asked my son?
Tip: We want our kids to have big dreams AND we want them to apply to safety schools too. Safety schools are schools that you are pretty sure that your child will get into.
As Max began to do more research he learned about how amazing schools like Cornell and the University of Michigan are for what he wants to do. The more research he did the more Max liked Cornell.
Tip: Every school may not offer the major that your child wants so do your research.
I have learned so much about college along the way. I hope I can give you some nuggets to learn from me. I didn’t know anything about early decision, or early action. You can apply to one school as early decision. If you choose to do early decision for a school, then that means that you are committing to that school if you get in. You then have to withdraw your applications from every other school if you get in to your early decision school. Max decided to apply to Cornell for early decision. That means in December we would know if he was accepted and that we would be done with the college process.
With Max’s transcript, we figured that he would get in for early decision. We didn’t know how many kids from our area were applying early decision to Cornell. We also had no idea how many early decision applications Cornell would get. I had my cell phone out and was ready to video Max getting into Cornell. When he opened his email and told us he was deferred, we were stunned. Deferred means that they told him that they would let him know at the regular decision date on March 27th if he gets in. That meant we had 3.5 long months ahead of us. It wasn’t a no. I kept saying that to myself and to Max.
Tip: Don’t get attached to one school. Have your eggs in multiple baskets.
Tip: You can only apply early decision to one school. This means that if you get into the school that you will definitely be attending. This is a binding agreement.
Tip: You can apply early action to a lot of schools. This just means that you will hear if you get in sooner than the regular decision date and this is non-binding.
That was a hard day. We asked Max to apply to a lot more schools and we asked him to have some safety schools that he would be willing to go to. We want our children to have lots of options. The bottom line is that we never know where they are going to get in. A perfect example is Binghamton University. Max got in and I was very excited that he did. Do you know how many applications they got this year? Do you know how many kids didn’t get in? My advice is not to use Binghamton as a safety school no matter who your child is.
Max asked me what happened that so many kids were born in 2007? Why are there so many applications this year? Why does it seem that the competition keeps getting harder to get into colleges? I just looked up the stats and it says that application rates are up by 6 % vs. last year. It says online that this upward trend will continue to increase.
I learned so many lessons the day that Max was deferred:
- You never know what’s going to happen.
- You should never assume your children will get in anywhere.
- You don’t know who your children are up against.
- You don’t know what the colleges are looking for.
I loved watching my son bonding with other kids at his school over the whole college process. They all continued to text each other for the next 3.5 months about colleges. Who was getting in where? I was cheering Max on, and I was cheering on all the other students at his high school. I want everyone to get to go where they dream of going. I also firmly believe that kids will end up where they are supposed to go. I was sad every time Max or one of his friends got a rejection. I was sad every time one of them got waitlisted. It’s been a very long 3.5 months.
On March 27, 2025, Max was going to find out at 7:00 PM if he got into Cornell. We had no idea what was going to happen. I prayed and I kept my faith. Whatever was meant to be was going to be. I had no control over this outcome. Max put in all the work, and now it was time to see what Cornell would say.
My daughter Lillie had a National Junior Honor Society Ceremony at 6:00 PM. I was so proud of Lillie and also stressed that it was the same night. I knew Max wanted to find out alone. I knew that he would call me with any good news. I was picturing the phone call.
At 6:45 pm, after the ceremony and reception, I asked Lillie if we could go home. I knew she had a lot of homework, and I knew that I wanted to be home by 7 if possible. I walked into the house and went to my kitchen island with a sheet of paper. I started to write, “Thank you G-d for Max getting into Cornell to…..” and I didn’t get to finish my note. Max screamed, “MOM,” from his bedroom. It was the best scream I have ever heard. I will never forget that moment. His next words were, “I GOT IN!” Seth and I ran to Max. We screamed, I cried, and we called all the grandparents and his uncles and aunts! We couldn’t believe it. We had no idea what was going to happen. You just don’t know. Best day of Max’s life so far!
I cannot express how much peace and joy I feel. When I don’t think about the price tag, I am beyond thrilled for my son. I’m thrilled that we can help to make his dream come true. I’m thrilled that his hard work is being rewarded. I cannot explain the amount of hours and hours of homework and studying that Max has done.
Tip: I cannot emphasize enough that you never know what’s going to happen. Your child is probably amazing. It doesn’t matter how good their resume is. I think their essays may be even more important because they need to try to stand out and be unique!
I am also excited for me. I didn’t get to go away to college. This is an awesome opportunity for Max. I am not upset by my college journey. It was wonderful and I am so thankful. However, I get to experience this through the eyes of my son. I cannot wait to hear about it. I cannot wait to watch him thrive. He has an amazing new chapter ahead for him.
The first step was doing the hard work and building the resume.
The second step was getting in.
The third step is paying for it.
The fourth step is Max loving it there. I pray for that for him. I hope he learns, grows, thrives, meets amazing people and absolutely loves the experience.
If Max had gotten into Cornell for early decision, we wouldn’t have had the reaction that we did on March 27th. We are so humbled and so grateful. To have this opportunity to go to an incredible school like Cornell feels unreal. I know that he deserves it, and I also know that doesn’t matter. That didn’t mean that he was going to get in.
Now my daughter Ella is dreaming of going to NYU. I have discussed with her how important it is not to have your eyes set on one school. Have your eggs in multiple baskets. Have a lot of options. The college experience is quite the ride. I’ll let you know how it continues to go. I hope that I was able to help and teach you something. I wish that I had read something like this before we started the process, so I wanted to share this with all of you.
Feeling beyond thankful for this opportunity for Max and for this platform to share with all of you.
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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