When Seth and I moved in together 21 years ago, we started to pay all the bills together. When we got married, I paid all of our bills from one account. Seth opened his first business and things started to get more complicated.
I started by asking Seth to move money from different accounts to our joint account so that I could pay the bills. One day I got frustrated and threw the checkbook. I had it. If Seth paid the bills, then he would know how much money to move, and I wouldn’t have to keep asking him.
This is where my relationship with money significantly changed. Not in a good way. Seth is a financial planner. I handed over all the power of our money and bills to him. He didn’t ask for it. He didn’t necessarily want it. That is what happened on the day I threw the checkbook.
The path this took us down with money is not fair to Seth or I. Seth is basically alone in handling our finances. We are not a team. He takes on the burden and I am totally clueless about most of our finances. We do have an emergency file with all our information. That is not good enough.
When Seth talks about money and numbers my eyes glaze over. If he wants to talk about his feelings or a work issue my eyes and ears are wide open to help him. Money and numbers are a different story.
I follow Matt and Abby Howard, a social media couple. I listen to their podcast most of the time. On their most recent podcast, they had financial expert Ramit Sethi on to talk about his latest book Money for Couples. I rolled my eyes and skipped the episode and chose to listen to my audiobook instead. I started to think about listening to the episode. I knew Seth would want me to listen, so I decided I wanted to make him proud and I listened to the whole two hour episode.
I sent the episode to Seth and Max to listen to. Seth was so excited that I listened, and he also listened and ordered the book. We both started to read the book yesterday and I highly recommend that everyone listen to the episode and get the book. Couples need to work on how they communicate about money and how they work as a team with money. At this point Seth and I are not a team with money, but we are changing that as I type this.
It doesn’t matter what your history is with money. It doesn’t matter what your relationship is with your partner around money. Anyone and everyone can make positive changes in any area of their life if they want to. I know that Seth and I are an amazing team in parenting, and I know that we can generalize that skill to money. Ramit says that we need to find what areas we are confident in and bring those skills to money. If you are a confident parent like me then you can be confident with money too. If I can do it, then you can do it. Let’s do it together!
There is no way for me to talk about the whole podcast episode or the whole book in one blog. This is going to have to be broken up into manageable sections for you and I.
I want to start with some of the excellent points Ramit makes and then I want to discuss the four money types as he calls them.
He tells us to define what rich looks like to us. That line will stick with me forever because wow do I feel rich in my life. Seth and I have created a 2025 new age social work job for me that allows me to be a full time mom for our kids. I work my schedule around my kids and that is what is most important to us and what makes me feel the richest. I also drive a very nice car and live in a beautiful home. I am so blessed and Ramit reminded me how very rich I am. What makes you feel rich? This is an important question to ask yourself.
Ramit also says that we should spend 28% or less of our paycheck on a house. Score for Seth and I. Ramit says to do the numbers before you buy a house. Ramit is a renter and does not want to own a house right now. Buying a house isn’t everything. Seth underspent on our first house and second house, and I am thankful to Seth for that. I would have spent more. In fact, we had a three house plan to buy our dream house next. I think we decided to make our current home our dream home and I am the only one in the family who wants to move. Bottom line – underspend on your house and don’t be house poor.
Start having non stressful conversations about money. Conversations where you can connect and talk about your dreams together. Communicate without stress, conflict or judgement. Start doing this regularly and building on what your agenda is for the meeting. If you start to fight, take a break and regroup. We want to make talking about money less stressful. I tend to zone out, so I need to work on being engaged in the conversation and being in it with Seth. If we are a team, then we can make our life even better surrounding our money.
Let’s talk about the four money types according to Rami Sethi. I want you to think about which type you are and how you can improve around the topic of money. The goal today is for you and I to get a little better about money. We all have room for improvement whether we are cheap, extravagant, a saver or a spender.
The Avoider
You can probably guess right now that I am the avoider. I didn’t start out this way. As Seth continued to open multiple accounts for multiple businesses, I got very confused and checked out of the money conversations. Instead of getting curious and seeking to understand and be a part of it, I checked out and let him handle it all. Seth is the financial planner, and Seth should handle our money. Wrong! If you also think this about your spouse, then you are also wrong. One spouse should not be handling the money for so many reasons. You could easily be an asset to your money spending and saving, if you know more. If something happens to your spouse, you will be dazed and confused if you are not a part in the finances. There are so many reasons to be an avoider and so many reasons why you and I need to gently knock that off.
We avoid the topic of finances.
We may get overwhelmed and shut down.
We leave our partner feeling alone and carrying the burden of our finances.
I’m here to tell you that we are not being fair to our partners and it’s time to take our head out of the sand, pick up our big girl (or boy) pants and get involved. I suggest we start small, or we will get overwhelmed and hide. I know that you and I can do this. Let’s start today!
The Optimizer
As much as Seth and his spreadsheets can drive me crazy, I am also so thankful for Seth being an optimizer. An optimizer is looking at the numbers and is trying to do the very best that they can with your money. Seth tracks all our spending every day. Seth has a ton of spreadsheets going. He thrives on being organized and he does this for a living with his clients money. Seth has been saving money for our daughter’s Bat Mitzvah, for college and for our future. I can’t tell you how thankful I am.
In the past it has also been hard to get Seth to spend money. Seth dreams of owning a Lotus sports car one day. In the meantime, he doesn’t spend a lot on his car. It is not important to him. He also drove me nuts when we bought both of our houses. It was very hard to get Seth to spend that much money and he kept lowering the price both times we shopped for houses as he got nervous about spending so much money. He underspent both times according to me and that’s ok. I am thankful for his conservative nature. I also know that my money avoidance drives him nuts. We both have room to improve.
Optimizers need to learn how to enjoy their money and I am just the woman to help Seth with this. In his defense, he has definitely improved, and it is my turn to make money improvements.
The Worrier
Sometimes worriers have reasons to worry about money and sometimes this stems back from their family history. I hear a lot of women tell me that they grew up with a family that didn’t have a lot of money and that is where their worry comes from. It doesn’t matter how much money they make. They still worry. They lay awake at night worrying. They worry about the stock market, keeping their job, and anything else that they can think of to worry about. Ramit is so smart that he says that worry gives them a sense of control. I tend to ask worriers to play out the worst case scenario in life that they can come up with to see that they will be able to figure it out. Remember that you are smart, strong and capable and will be ok.
He wants us to ask ourselves questions like:
What do you get out of worrying?
What would help you worry less?
I love love love that he reminds us to generalize our skills multiple times in the book. What area of your life don’t you worry in? Let’s take those skills and apply them to money.
I am sure that if you are a worrier that you are driving yourself and your partner nuts. Take one step today to worry a little less.
The Dreamer
A dreamer is not living in reality. They always have another thing that they are going to try in order to make a lot of money. I dated a dreamer, and it was extremely frustrating for me. I just wanted him to get a 9-5 job. He always had a better idea or a different plan. The thing about the dreamer is that they are usually being supported by someone else. If you are a dreamer, then think about how this is not fair to your partner or whomever is making it possible for you to be a dreamer. What can you do to take steps to change to contribute more? As the partner of a dreamer – what steps can you take to set limits and boundaries with your dreamer?
Your first money homework assignment:
- Identify what money type you and your partner are?
- Take a positive step with your money type. Example: My avoider type set up a money meeting with my husband.
- Have a positive conversation with your spouse about money.
As I learn from Seth and Ramit, I will do more money segments. For now, I think I have written enough for you and I to sit and digest it. Let’s take some positive money steps this week. We will all be thankful that we did.
Thank you Ramit Sethi, for this great topic and this wonderful book.
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
Check out my 
:
Whinypaluza Notes:
Whinypaluza Mom Group:
If you are looking for a supportive community, come join the free Whinypaluza Mom Facebook group. I created this as I wanted us to have a place where we can talk about tips, strengths and challenges we are having. It is another step I took to help everyone to know that you are not alone. The January New Year challenge was a lot of fun. Come join us and bring a friend with you! I love to give away prizes. This group is private so please find me on Facebook at Whinypaluza or Rebecca Greene and message me to ask for an invite. I’m also on Instagram @becgreene5 and @whinypaluza_mom. I am also on Tik tok @whinypaluzamom.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/whinypaluzamoms
The Whinypaluza Schedule:
Whinypaluza Wednesdays: My weekly blog comes out every Wednesday. I am always open to your topic requests. A new Vlog (video blog) also comes out every Wednesday night on Facebook and You Tube live at 8:00 PM Eastern time to discuss the blog. If you would rather listen to a podcast than watch a Vlog, you can wait for the following Wednesday and the Vlog is released on my Podcast.
Family Fridays: Every Friday morning a new Podcast is released. Most of my episodes on Fridays are me discussing parenting and marriage with experts on the topic. If you would rather watch the Podcast instead of listen, you can watch it on You Tube. If you would like to be on my Podcast or know someone who would like to please message me on Facebook or Instagram or at whinypaluzamom@gmail.com
I would so greatly appreciate it if you would subscribe, rate my Podcast and leave me a five-star review. This leads to it being shown to more people that we can help. I appreciate it when you share my blogs, vlogs and podcasts with a friend so that we can build our community and help people one mama at a time. Every time you like and/or comment on a post it helps and is so appreciated!
