My husband Seth used to travel a lot. When we all went through the Covid pandemic, his traveling completely stopped, and I was thrilled. I loved having him at home. I am very blessed that we are quite the parenting team when he is not at work. He comes home from work and rolls up his sleeves and is ready to help with homework, driving, dishes, and whatever else his family needs. When he told me he was going away last week, I instantly got nervous. I want to help us to feel less nervous and overwhelmed. What are my tips for when our spouse travels:
I noticed a complete shift in my mindset.
I went from being nervous to reassuring myself very quickly that I could handle Seth going away on a business trip. What do we tell ourselves? Are we telling ourselves that we won’t be able to handle everything? I noticed that I was telling myself that I could handle it. I can’t emphasize enough that our mindset in everything is extremely powerful and can completely change our experience.
I know that I have my village to turn to.
I hope that you are part of a wonderful village, and I hope that you reach out to people for help. My wonderful parents told me that if I needed anything to please let them know. I also have great friends who I know will help me whenever I need them. I know that I am not alone and that helps me cope when Seth goes away. I also know that I need to look ahead at my calendar and call in reinforcements when necessary. I am one person, and I can’t be in more than one place at one time.
Changing my expectations for the week.
On a normal week with Seth helping me I get a lot of work and housework done. I also really try to cook healthy meals almost every night. When he goes away all these expectations on myself change. I know that the house may not be as clean as I am used to. I know that all the laundry may not get done. I don’t cook every night when Seth is away. If I take cooking off my list, I cope a lot better. I get them all excited for a night of Chipotle whenever Seth goes away because Seth doesn’t like Chipotle. The more I simplify things while Seth is away, the less stressed I feel. How can I make my life easier is the question I ask myself.
Get the Kids involved
My kids are getting older. Today as I type this my kids are 17, 15 and 12. They are old enough to help me. Even if your kids are younger than mine, they can understand that when dad or mom goes away, they can step up and help. Give them specific tasks to do that will help you out. Even feeding the dog and letting him out was so helpful to me. Be honest with them. I tell my kids when I’m feeling really tired and need to rest.
Stay Connected
Seth was very busy on his trip, and we didn’t talk much. Having a face time call can really help us to stay connected. I’m so thankful for face time. I love that Seth tries to face time every night when he can, to say goodnight to everyone. If your kids are little it can really help them when they are missing their parent.
Celebrate yourself and your wins
I notice how much I do every day when Seth is away. Things that I do every day that I don’t realize that I do. I impressed myself. I realized that I do a ton every day and that I can. I also tend to get a lot more adrenaline when Seth is away and do even more. I gave myself a lot of praise and reminded myself how very capable I am. Seth is a doer, and he steps in and does a lot. I think in our case that like attracts like and that we are both very hard workers. I am capable of doing it all and I know that. However, it is wonderful to have a partner come home from work to pitch in.
Be kind to Yourself
Whatever you need to do to be kind to yourself – I want you to do it. House isn’t clean – you will get to it. Laundry isn’t done – you will get to it. Have a deadline for work and that is what you need to focus on – do it! Can’t go on a field trip – that’s ok. Don’t want to cook – pick something up! Have something delivered! Want to take a bath and the kids are pounding on the door – tell them to give you five minutes of silence and that you will come out happier.
When your husband is away, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Remember that you are strong, capable, and resourceful – even when you’re managing it all on your own. Focus on keeping things simple, leaning on your support system, and carving out little moments of joy.
When he finally comes home, don’t forget to hand him the kids and sneak off for a well-deserved nap!
Seth and I got home from the airport at 2 AM. I had 9:00 AM plans the next morning with friends. I thought that I may be sad to leave him, but I couldn’t wait to go! “Seth, pick up Ella at 11:30 please. Lillie is being picked up at 9:45 AM. I am out of here!” I couldn’t wait to go! I scheduled the perfect date at the perfect time. If you don’t need a nap, grab a friend and go get some me time! I needed it and I really truly deserved it! We work so hard, and we need to play too!
Stay strong, moms! You’ve got this! We are strong and capable. We also deserve down time when they get home!!!
Now go plan a trip for yourself!
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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