My husband Seth and daughter Ella tend to leave the house first. As they were leaving on Wednesday December 4th, I noticed Max’s keys weren’t hanging on the key rack where they always are. Ella has Max’s spare keys in her backpack. When Max drives Ella home, we want her to have keys to get in his car and not stand outside in the cold. The issue is that she couldn’t find the spare keys and she would like to leave to go to school.
Max wakes up and I tell him his keys aren’t hanging. He looks perplexed and the two of us spend time looking for his keys. He is all upset because we don’t even have the spare keys, and he has to get to school. I drive him to school and assure him that I will look for his keys as long as it takes to find them.
Well, forget my plans for the day because I have keys to find.
First, I need to take Ella to the orthodontist. I make it clear that she needs to bring her backpack so I can search for Max’s keys. Ella gets her braces adjusted while I empty and find the spare keys. Ok, crisis averted. We at least have one set of keys to his car. I text Max to let him know we at least found one set!
I drop Ella back to school and come home to clean out the entire mudroom. I cleaned and organized and went through every piece in the mudroom thinking they fell off the key holder.
I look through the garage.
I look through snow because of course it decides to snow the day that Max’s keys go missing.
I search through all the laundry.
I go through every room of the house and clean and organize and come up empty handed.
I spend hours and hours searching for the keys and Max is now texting me to ask if I have found them yet.
I feel as though I’m going crazy, so I take a break and get some work done. I need to do something to take my mind off the missing keys and I need to get some stuff done.
This continues for days. Seth, Max and I continued for days to look for Max’s keys. We look through the house, the cars, the snow, the garage for hours and hours. We also found out that Suburban Lock and Key is unable to make a spare and that it will cost hundreds to get one from the dealer.
It is Monday December 9th, and Seth leaves for work at 7 am and gets home at 6:30 PM with a huge smile on his face. “Family meeting,” Seth announces. “Everyone come to the dining room table please,” Seth insists as we all make our way there. He starts telling us about his detective skills. He says he retraced steps. Seth brushed off Max’s car the morning the keys went missing. He had put the keys in his pocket and when he went to put them back, they weren’t in his pocket. He figured he had put them back. Seth decided to look through his coat. There is a hole in his pocket and the keys had fallen inside his coat to the bottom of the coat. He was so happy and excited that he solved the case. Me, I got angry and started crying. All those hours of searching and Seth had the keys. I went to go get his coat and sewed up the hole!
What did I learn from this craziness:
Don’t Jump to Conclusions
I was quick to assume Max had lost his car keys, but as it turns out, the culprit was his dad! This taught me the importance of investigating before pointing fingers. I would like to be clear that I was not mad at Max. I have lost my keys and my phone many times! I know this stuff happens!
Keys Need a Designated Spot
We have a key holder in the mudroom. Max puts his keys there every day. He is not at fault. He did not do anything wrong. He has misplaced his wallet a few times. His wallet also has a designated spot. We all need to repeatedly put the stuff where the stuff goes!
Laughter Eases Frustration
I sat there sewing Seth’s coat very upset. Seth attempted to make me laugh and help me find the humor in the situation. Humor is a great way to diffuse tension in any moment of chaos.
Everyone Makes Mistakes
Even dads! This was a great reminder that we’re all human and sometimes misplace things no matter how responsible we think we are. I realize that we all make mistakes. I wasn’t upset with Max. I was well aware of how many times my family has helped me find my phone or my keys!
The Value of a Spare Key
We learned the hard way that having a spare key handy can save a lot of stress and time. I did think we had one! I need to know where the spare keys are at all times.
Patience is Key
I was trying really hard to be patient and take my time going through the whole house and the snow. My next step was to clean out the garage. I was going to be patient and persistent and I was going to find these keys.
Communication is Critical
This incident highlighted the importance of keeping everyone in the loop. This is why I got so upset with Seth. How about talking this through with me and saying: “I brushed off Max’s car this morning, I had Max’s keys. I thought I put them back.” That would have given me more information to work with. When I said Max’s keys weren’t hanging on the key holder, that’s when he should have chimed in.
Use Technology When Possible
If your keys have a tracker or an app, use it! This situation made us put an air tag on Max’s keys. Now I need to get one for Seth’s keys and for mine too. Also, when did keys begin to cost hundreds of dollars. It’s ridiculous!
Last night as I texted my friends, they told me that this story is hysterical. I wasn’t there yet. I was too upset about all the time I wasted. I think in a couple more days I will be laughing about this.
My dearest husband,
We all make mistakes. I am totally aware of this. Had you led with an apology, I wouldn’t have gotten upset. I am glad you were so excited that you found them. It’s been a long week, and I’m glad that this mystery is solved. I was ready to pay for new keys. I’m glad we don’t have to. Let’s work on our communication and let’s do a better job next time retracing our steps. I’m sorry I ruined your excitement last night. We are forever learning and growing together!
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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