Surviving the College Application Season as a Family

We learn everything with our first child. Our first child Max is currently applying to colleges. He goes first and paves the way for his sisters. This season of parenthood couldn’t involve more emotions!

I feel so proud of Max and the success he has had in school.

I feel so excited about his next chapter of life.

I feel elated as college acceptance letters come in.

I haven’t processed what exactly it means for him to go off to college.

I can’t even put into words all the mom feelings that I am having.

I also want to pause and say something very important to all the parents out there. Every single child is on their own journey. My son wants to go to college. Not every child will want or need to go to college. They are all unique people building their own paths in life. Max’s path is taking him to college. That doesn’t mean both of my daughters will go to college. Max wants to study statistical genomics. At the moment, Ella wants to study journalism. Lillie may end up wanting to be an esthetician or a real estate agent or an interior designer. She has a lot of careers that she is thinking about. I support my children as they grow and find themselves.

Lesson: Every child is on their own unique path. Help your child find what is best for them.

Let’s talk about the reasons that I am not feeling super stressed out right now about college in hopes of passing this on to you:

Anne Marie DeLuca Comaratta who does private college admissions counseling has been guiding us through this process since Max was a sophomore in high school. From what classes to take, to what SAT prep class to take, to what schools to apply to, to help with the application, she has been a key to an easier less stressful experience. Her business is called Stress Free College Admissions, and you can find her at stressfreeadmissions.com. We highly recommend Anne Marie.

My husband Seth Greene helps people find money for college every day and helps with all the financial aid forms. I live with a man who helps people with college every day. That reduces my stress by a lot. You can find Seth at howtofindmoneyforcollege.com. I highly recommend my husband to help you find money for college and for all those tricky college financial forms. I have learned so much from him about college finances.

I have Seth and Anne Marie in my village, and they are helping Max and I through the college application process.

Lesson: We are not supposed to do things alone. We are supposed to use our village. We are supposed to have a village. Reach out to people and get assistance:

People in the financial aid world.

College Admissions counselors.

The guidance counseling team at school.

Other parents who have already been through it

Don’t do it alone!

Max is a man on a mission. Max is keeping track of things and has been getting all his applications done. Some kids are going to need more help than others. I don’t expect this application process to look the same for all three of my kids.

Let’s talk about what is realistic. Is your child’s dream school a reality? We need to be realistic in this process and we need to make sure that they apply to safety schools. These are schools that we are feeling pretty safe that they will get into. We want them to have reach schools that are dream schools, but we want to make sure that there is a nice variety of schools. We don’t want all Ivy League school applications for our child. If your child wants to go to an Ivy, then I hope for that for them. I also know that there is a great community college up the street from me that is an excellent fit for a lot of kids.

We have our reach schools. We have our realistic schools. We have our safety schools. Let’s move to when applications are due!

My head was spinning trying to figure out what all the college terms mean, and I am still learning.

Max was telling me about his early decision school and the early action schools. We have a lot to learn parents! You can only apply to one school as your early decision school. Your application is due a couple of months before regular decision applications. You really need to know that this is a school that you will go to if you get in. If you get in early decision the school knows that you are committing to going. (From Max who was taught this from Seth: you can choose not to go if their financial aid package isn’t good enough for your family to be able to afford it.)

Early action applications simply means that you will find out early if you got into the school. I have to ask my son and husband what the point of this is? I guess you just find out earlier if you got in. (From Max: yes, you find out earlier but for some schools the acceptance rate goes up as well. For example, UMich goes from sub 20% for regular to 25% for early acceptance.)

Then there are applications that you put in as a normal deadline application.

Some schools tell you early.

Some schools have days that you know that you will find out. MIT for example has pie day when they tell students that they got in unless you applied early action.

Some schools have rolling admissions and tell students at all different times if they got in. Max just got his second acceptance today as I am typing this on a random Tuesday.

There is a lot to learn, and I am here for it. I am here for the ups and downs. I am here for the ride. We have a month until we find out about Max’s top two school choices, and it is going to be a long month.

Tips for parents:

Check in regularly and make sure everything is getting completed and turned in.

Use your support system and reach out to experts.

Be a listening ear for your child and have someone to listen to you. One day your child will be excited and the next day your child will be worried.

Don’t put all your eggs into one school. Have a lot of baskets.

Reassure your child that there is a college for them. Our children put so much pressure on where they go to college. Let them know that their achievements and college choices do not define them. Let them know that you are proud of them regardless of where they go to school.

Be where your child is. They may not feel ready for college. They may not want to go to college. They may be determined to go to a certain school.

Remember how unique every child is. The journey will look different with all our kids.

From Max: no matter what your child’s aspirations are, there is one lesson that I have taken away from this: rejection is redirection. Specifically in this case, rejection is the school telling you that you aren’t for them. With holistic admissions that no longer view you as a number, each school has a specific idea for the class they want to curate, and it may simply be that you are not what this year calls for. That’s okay. There IS a school where you fit, it’s just math. Remember your child is more than their admissions decisions, good luck and godspeed.

I tell myself regularly that Max will end up at the school that he is supposed to go to, and I strongly believe that. We will keep you posted as this all plays out. My child will end up where he is supposed to go and so will yours. I know this isn’t an easy process. Let’s all remember to enjoy the journey and get help where we need it.

Laughing, Learning and Loving my tween and teens,