You are Enough Today Just as you Are

One of my favorite things to do is to talk to other moms. Moms need other moms. Women need other women. We need to connect and talk about all the things. Unfortunately, the theme that I see when I talk to other moms/women is that they feel as though they aren’t enough.

Things I hear myself and other moms say to themselves:

“I haven’t even started buying school supplies yet.”

“I didn’t take my kids on a vacation this summer.”

“I forgot about the PTSA meeting.”

“I need to lose weight. I’ve gotten so fat.”

“I’m sorry I never volunteer. I feel so bad.”

“I never make them dinner. We eat crap because we are always on the go.”

“My house is a mess. Please don’t look when you come in.”

“I have so much clutter. I need to get organized.”

“I forgot to buy the shirt and pants my daughter needs for her chorus concert.”

“I only exercised once this week.”

The bottom line is, I don’t tend to hear women praising themselves. I tend to hear them telling me what they are doing wrong. Or how they aren’t enough. They will have accomplished a huge list for the day, and I still hear about what they didn’t do. It is definitely a theme that I see with women that I have been trying to address with others and with myself. I need to work on this topic too. As I keep saying, you are never alone in your daily challenges. If you are having a challenge, I promise you that there is another mom feeling the exact same way.

How can I help us feel like enough? That is the big question! What will it take? How can we stop tearing ourselves down and start building ourselves up?

Step 1:

I want us all to focus on what we DID DO today. Did you work? Did you run an errand? Did you do dishes? Make a meal? Do your kids have clean clothes to wear? Did you show up? Did you get up? During our day and at the end of the day, you and I are going to start reflecting on our awesomeness – NOT on what we didn’t do. We set ourselves up to feel bad and unworthy by thinking about all the things that we left hanging. I want us all to change our story. I am notorious for making lists and expecting myself to do the whole list in one day. Which leads me to….

Step 2:

Can we please have realistic expectations for ourselves. Why do we expect SO much? Have you heard of unrelenting standards? It is the opposite of realistic expectations. We are humans not robots. We need food, water, rest and balance. You are not worthy based on what you produce. You are worthy because you are you. It is that easy. You are going to want to argue with me, but I am going to fight you on this. You are not worthy because of what you do. You are worthy because of who you are.

Step 3:

Life is not a comparison game to keep up with the Jones family. Life is about my own party of five and what works for us. We are all on our own journey. We don’t know other people’s financial status. We don’t know what struggles they have. You only know what you see. I remind people regularly that social media is a highlight reel. I posted the pictures I took at the Erie County Fair. I didn’t post the pictures of us getting drenched walking to the car. If I had thought about it, I would have taken photos because it was hysterical. You are only seeing snapshots and you don’t know the whole story. Did you ever think that Sally and Bob went on a Paris vacation, but their marriage is struggling / or that they are in major debt because of it? I am going to guess that when you look at other people’s photos you are feeling like you are not enough. Which leads me to….

Step 4:

Set goals for yourself. If you are upset that you didn’t take a vacation, save up for one and plan it. If you are upset with your job, make a goal to take steps to find another job. If you don’t like something about your house, make a goal to do a new home improvement project. If you don’t like your body (I want you to love your body just as you are), then make some goals to work on it. Whatever is making you feel unworthy – I want you to unpack exactly what that is about and how you can work towards a new goal to feel better about yourself.

Step 5:

I want us to always have goals and be working on self improvement AND we need to love and accept ourselves for who we are today. There is no perfect person. We are all made up of strengths and weaknesses. If you think anyone in your life is perfect, I can 100% guarantee that they aren’t. We don’t know everything about everyone. When I think about my husband, I don’t love him because he’s perfect. That was never my expectation in a spouse or a friend. I don’t expect my husband or friend to be perfect, and yet I tend to have much higher expectations for myself. People love imperfect you. People embrace you for who you are. It’s time that you did the same. Love yourself flaws and all.

Step 6:

Be your own best friend. As I was spiraling the other day in my brain, I took a hold of myself and comforted myself. I don’t want you to live with a bully in your head who criticizes you all day. I want you to live with a kind loving voice that talks to you nicely all day. If I wouldn’t say it to a friend, then I shouldn’t say it to myself either. As you learn to love yourself, I also want you to become your own best friend.

Step 7:

Celebrate victories along the way. As I think about my son heading to college in a year, it’s not only a victory for him, but also a victory for his dad and I. We celebrate our kids. We are good at that. They get an A, so we celebrate. They won a sports game, and we celebrate. They get their license, and we celebrate. Remember to celebrate you along the way too. It doesn’t need to be big things to celebrate. I took a trunk full of stuff to good will and gave stuff away to my buy nothing group. I felt successful. I am going to make time at some point this week to get my nails done. I will celebrate that I took that time for me. Celebrate yourself too – small and big accomplishments.

Step 8:

I am going to end with giving ourselves daily reminders. I remind myself throughout the day to be gentle and kind to myself. If I start to slip, I rewind and try again with a kinder version of myself. You can hang post its around your house for daily reminders. You can use a journal to write to yourself and give yourself daily reminders. You can even enlist support. My husband knows that if he hears me saying things like, “You’re so dumb,” that he corrects me and reminds me to be kind to myself.

My husband and my children inspire me every day to be a better version of myself. That doesn’t mean that I am not good enough and need to be better. It means that I want to think that I am good enough and be kind to myself to be a good example for them. They are all sponges and model me. I also find that if I am having something that doesn’t feel good enough to me that my husband takes it personally as if our life is not good enough. I have everything I dreamed of. Now I need to smell the roses and appreciate it every single day. I hope you will join me.