Depression is a Journey

I absolutely love and want to honor when you give me topic requests. Depression and anxiety are my most recent requests that we will focus on repeatedly in order to help people with two of the most common issues. We tackled anxiety in a recent blog but it’s time we talk a little bit about depression.

In the summertime I feel like I come alive. My body feels better, and I even feel like I look better in the summer. There is a certain glow to me that I see fade away in the wintertime. I feel the seasonal effects on my mood. We will need to talk about this again during the winter months.

I have another full month of summer and that makes me so very happy. As September approaches, the leaves start to fall, the days grow shorter, and many of us might find our moods dipping with the temperature. It’s a good time to talk about dealing with depression, especially as parents who need to juggle our own emotional well-being alongside our family responsibilities.

Depression can feel like a silent fog that settles over everything, coloring our world in shades of gray. It can make even the simplest tasks feel monumental. But as a mom, social worker, and someone who talks regularly with experts and everyday parents on the Whinypaluza Parenting Podcast, I’ve gathered some compassionate and practical tips to help lift that fog a bit, or at least make it more navigable.

Acknowledge Your Feelings: The first step in dealing with depression is acknowledging it. It doesn’t do any good to brush your feelings under the rug and pretend everything is okay when it isn’t. Recognizing that you’re not feeling your best is not a sign of weakness; it’s a step toward healing. We can’t work on something that we don’t even acknowledge is an issue.

Reach Out for Help: Whether it’s talking to a therapist, reaching out to a friend, or even joining a support group (many are available online now), getting support is crucial. Depression can isolate you, making you feel like you’re alone in your struggles, but reaching out can remind you that many others understand and care. Take one step today to reach out to one person. Push yourself to reach out to someone every day.

Set Small, Achievable Goals: On days when even getting out of bed feels hard, set small goals for yourself. It might be something as simple as taking a shower or making your bed. Small victories can lead to a greater sense of control and accomplishment. As you make small accomplishments in your day it gives you the momentum you need to keep going. We want to set ourselves up for success. We don’t want to make big, monumental goals for a day. You will find yourself frustrated and discouraged by big goals. If you set yourself small achievable steps to reach each day you will see success and it will make you want to keep going. If I wanted to write my next book, I wouldn’t tell myself to sit down and write the whole book or the first chapter. I would tell myself to sit down and just try to write the first page. Small baby steps will put you in the right direction of progress and momentum.

Prioritize Self-Care: It’s often said, but still often neglected. Self-care isn’t just spa days – it’s also getting enough sleep, eating nourishing foods, and giving yourself permission to take breaks. Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. I’ve talked about this a lot over the years because it’s been one of my biggest lessons. I really used to think that self-care was selfish. I even judged friends who were big on self-care. Now I take it all back and see how right they are. I used to skip meals and exercise. Now I know that I have to fuel my body so that I feel good. If you are lacking in energy, start to think about what you are eating and drinking all day. If you give yourself nourishing meals, drink enough water, exercise and get enough sleep, you are going to feel so much better just from taking some of those steps. I don’t want to overwhelm you with this. If you aren’t doing any of these things, just begin by drinking a little more water today. Tomorrow make yourself a healthy meal. Add stuff gradually and help yourself feel better and have more energy. Taking care of yourself also help you to be a better parent.

Stay Connected: Try to maintain social connections, even if it’s just a text exchange with a friend or a scheduled weekly call with a family member. Depression can urge you to withdraw, but connection is often a key to feeling better. We talked earlier about reaching out to people. It’s not only about reaching out for help. It is about reaching out for some socialization. The biggest thing that I notice is that I see depressed people staying home more and being by themselves. This just perpetuates the issue. If you push yourself to go out and see people, you will see the positive effect that it has on you. The more that we are around people the less depressed we feel. When my kids go back to school, I am alone a lot. I work at home and spend a lot of time by myself. I have to make sure to make a lot of purposeful plans so that I can be around people. We are not meant to be solitary. People are meant to connect with others. The more connections we have the less depressed we feel. You may have to push yourself to do this. I know it’s easier to just stay home alone but is it easier? Living a happy life feeling less depressed is easier. Pushing yourself to be around people is a step in that direction. When you don’t feel like going, my advice is to stay to yourself, “Let’s just go give this a try.”

Keep a Routine: As a parent, you probably have a routine for your kids, but it’s important to have one for yourself too. Routines can provide structure and predictability, which can be comforting when you’re feeling down. I have resisted having a routine most of my life. I am now starting to admit that my husband, kids and I all thrive when we have a routine to our day. A routine also helps us to sleep better. We are supposed to go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every day to help us sleep better. I also have a routine before bed that helps me to unwind and know that it’s time for bed. I take my contacts out, wash my face, brush my teeth and read my book. I do it every night and it is a signal to my body that it’s time for bed.

Change your thoughts change your life: I saved the best for last. If you work on changing your thoughts, you are going to feel so differently. Look into cognitive behavioral therapy. If we work on identifying our thoughts, changing them for the better, then we feel very different. Someone who has a pessimistic attitude about most things is going to feel down. “I get to do this,” vs. “I have to do this,” is a perfect example of changing your thoughts. I work on my thoughts all day long. As I work on my thoughts, I am changing my brain. Your brain is wired to think a certain way. You have trained your brain how to think. However, you can rewire your brain to work better for you. Your brain is not in charge, you are! If you take anything away from this, I hope that you will start here! Become aware of your thoughts all day long and work on changing them for the better. “I’m so sad that there is only a month of summer left,” vs. “I’m so happy that there is another month of summer left.” You can do this. Start right now!

Depression is a journey, often with ups and downs, but it’s important to remember that it’s a treatable condition. You’re not alone, and with the right tools and support, you can navigate this path. If you’re struggling, please reach out for help. Taking that first step might feel daunting, but it’s truly the bravest thing you can do. You may have some successes and hit some road bumps along the way. The key is to never give up on yourself. Ride the waves of the journey and come out stronger than before.

Remember, you’re not just a parent; you’re a person who deserves as much care, love, and support as you give your children. Let’s continue to support each other in our community, sharing not just the joys of parenting but also the challenges. We are in this together. Thank you for being a part of the Whinypaluza community. I hope that you feel a part of something that is helpful to you.

Note: I don’t want to end this topic before I also note that medication and/or vitamins have been helpful for people dealing with depression. I am not an expert on antidepressants, but I advise you to speak to someone who is if you think that this is what you need.