My son Max just turned 17 years old, and my daughter Ella just turned 15! Ella turning 15 hit me harder than Max turning 17. You just never know how your mama emotions are going to be. I turned to my 11-year-old, and I thanked her for only being 11. How do I have a 17-year-old and a 15-year-old? How did that happen?
Ella is such a wonderful kid. I know you think I am biased because I am her mom, but if you surveyed the people in our lives, they would tell you how sweet and responsible Ella is. She is so easy to parent. She loves alone time and will disappear from the family to get away from any chaos. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have her own challenges. Every child is so different, and we have to learn what each child needs from us. If Ella could write this, she would tell us that she likes a calm atmosphere. While Lillie cringes when Seth and I kiss, Ella smiles and enjoys seeing her parents love each other. They couldn’t be two more different kids who need very different things in life.
Ella is a freshman in high school. I want you to go back to your freshman year of high school. When we were at the dinner table the other night, I told Ella that freshman year was the year of insecurity. My son Max looked at me and said that I nailed it. You are new to a school, and you are finding your way. You are trying to learn to be comfortable in a new school, and you are trying to learn to be comfortable in your own skin. I can take myself back there in a moment and know how I was feeling. I would much rather be 47-year-old confident, happy, secure me. 15-year-old me was not confident or secure.
Ella is a Swiftie. She loves Taylor Swift. She asked for her cake to read, “Cause when you’re 15,” from Taylor’s song 15. As I look through the lyrics to the song a couple of the lines jump out at me:
“Try and stay out of everybody’s way.” That makes me cry. Ella could relate to that line. I want her to own the room and not try to slip into the shadows.
“I didn’t know who I was supposed to be at fifteen.” They have so much learning and growing to do. They don’t know who they are or who they want to be.
“Take a deep breath girl. Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors.” Even Taylor Swift feels anxiety.
There is so much ahead of my girl. She is finding new interests like journalism.
She is having some disappointments.
She is putting herself out there. She got up on that high school stage and nailed her part in the school play.
She is making new friends and keeping old friends. She is figuring out who is a good fit for her.
She is finding her voice as she tells me how wrong I am about something.
They are learning how to talk to themselves. Do you remember that critical voice in your head at 15? Is it still there or have you slayed the beast? I have been there, and I know what it’s like to have a critical voice in your head. Just like adult needs to be kind and supportive to yourself, so does your 15-year-old child. They need to learn their worth and learn how to talk to themselves. I told Ella that it’s time to learn to be her own best friend.
For Ella’s 15th birthday, we bought her tickets to the Olivia Rodrigo concert. Ella has never been to a concert before. I am very excited for this one-on-one time with Ella. I think it is very important to have one on one time with each child and it doesn’t have to be an expensive concert. We went for a nice walk outside yesterday and had a wonderful conversation. That is free!
What I wish for Ella:
Now that Ella is 15 and in high school, I hope that she learns to see her beauty. Beauty radiates inside and outside of Ella. I hope she finds her beauty and her worth. I see that she has found some really nice, good friends and I hope she continues to work on fostering those relationships. I hope she still puts herself out there and auditions for whatever her heart desires. I hope she continues to explore new and different interests. I hope that this is the year that she begins to talk to herself as she would talk to her best friend. I hope she learns to be her own best friend. I hope she will still come to me when something is bothering her. I hope she knows that I am here for her. I think the most stabling force for me at 15 was knowing I was coming home to my mom every day. I would hold all my emotions in all day and then let them all out to my mom. I hope that I can be that for Ella.
Ella is the gentlest, kindest soul that I have ever met in my life. Somehow, I get the honor to be her mom. I treasure her and I feel blessed to get the opportunity to be her mom. I can’t wait to see how she blossoms this year. It’s going to be a great year. Keep learning, growing and loving Ella.
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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