I am starting this Sunday night right before my kids go back to school tomorrow. I feel like I have written that many times. How many times have my kids gone back to school? Our Governor keeps changing the rules. It definitely makes my head spin. Are you feeling the same way?
For those of you who read my blog regularly, you know that I had Covid recently. What you don’t know is that the rules have already changed since I had it. My husband and children saw me on my 10th and last day of quarantine. Due to that fact, they then had to quarantine for 14 days after their exposure to me which led to a 24 day quarantine for them. Today I just read that they changed it to 10 days quarantine after exposure. Do they really know what they are doing? I guess they are doing the best they can as they learn things. I just want to encourage you all to stay up to date on the ever changing rules.
As for school, now they are saying that school is a safe place for kids. I volunteered at my daughter’s elementary school for two half days helping the students who wanted to retake their school pictures. The county worker I spoke to said I absolutely could have picked up Covid at school. Of course I knew that that was one of the places that may have passed it to me. I can only hope that my kids are safe, and I am not skipping back to school to volunteer.
Knowing that my kids get to go back to school two days a week gives me two days a week to get a lot done. Do you see what I just said? I said I will get a lot done while they are in school. Why is that the first place that my mind goes? I already made my to do list for tomorrow and it is way too long. I only have about 5 hours to myself and then my pick-up routine begins at both schools. Some of you are thinking that five hours is a lot of time. It is a good chunk of time and it goes by very fast.
Let’s back up to my to do list. I remember making a goal last year to BE more and DO less. Do I think that I made progress? Definitely. Do I think that I still need to work on this? YES! Here is the thing about goals. I think we should all be working on goals for the new year. However, it doesn’t just stop on January 1st. Goals are something that need to be an every day thing for the whole year. Goals are something that need to be written down and in our minds regularly. I think we not only need to work on our goals every day, every week, every month, I also think we need to re-evaluate how it is going and what we want to change on a regular basis.
Every day that I wake up I think about what I want to do different that day. Every time I mess up in my day, I think about how I want to do better next time I am in the same situation. What goals am I working on? What do I want to change, tweak or eliminate? This is an every day, every week, every month thing. This is not something that only happens on January 1st.
So, lets get into my goals. I really try to learn and grow every day. I told my husband that I don’t want him ever to say that I think I know everything. I am the last person to ever think that I know everything. I have so much to learn.
I have learned this year that my self-worth doesn’t come from what I accomplish in a day. This was a huge accomplishment for me. While the to do lists are necessary, and the lists will always be there, I will continue to work on the being part of my day. How am I going to BE more and DO less? This is tricky because when I was walking my dog today, I was also listening to a podcast to prep for my newest podcast this Tuesday. However, as I was walking with my dog, I felt like I was in the being category. I was enjoying my walk, my dog and the nature around me. I wasn’t even complaining to myself about the cold. I bundled myself up and was warm and happy and getting exercise. So yes, I was doing something. I was actually doing a lot – exercise and working. I also felt in the being zone. I just want to feel in that zone more often. Writing, reading, walking, yoga, meditating, a movie, a television show all put me in the being zone. I am going to put a lot more of that into 2021. I think I did a lot to achieve this goal. but I am going to the next level. The goal is to do something in my being category at least once a day. The minimum goal is 30 minutes once a day in the being category.
Let’s talk about exercise goals next. Exercise is not only an excellent stress reliever for me, but it is also so good for me. As of today, I tend to hover around the 2 mile mark. I jogged two miles yesterday and I walked two miles today. I don’t know why it always seems like two miles. Is that enough? I don’t think we should stay stagnant. I want to push it to the next mile. In 2022 I want to be able to say that I can easily jog 4 miles. Let’s double it. I also haven’t done a lot of other things. I have walked almost every day which is awesome. I have jogged but I want to add more of that. I also look forward to adding weights and other exercises like squats, lunges, push ups, sits ups. My goal is five days a week to do some form of exercise. If I am not doing what I consider exercise I still want to get a walk in. It is a rare day that I don’t do any form of physical activity and I want to keep that up and step it up. This is good for my health and well being.
I have really been working a lot on my thought process. When I feel myself slipping into negative thinking or complaining, I become aware more quickly and work on replacing the thoughts. I am in charge of my perspective of a situation. I will continue to work on this and paint myself a happy life. I am so blessed and so thankful. I tell myself this every day. This is a goal that is a work in progress that I would like to continue. The more gratitudes I feel and think every day the less negative thinking I have. Count your blessings. Write down your gratitudes. Remember that what we focus on expands. As I write stuff down in my journal, I will write down a minimum of three things I am thankful for. I will also think about if there was any negative thinking in my day and how I could have reframed it. Reframing means taking something negative and putting a positive spin on it. For example, I love cooking and baking for my family. I try to remember that statement every time I stand in my kitchen. I am able to provide my family with home-cooked healthy meals.
What about my marriage? What do I need to work on in my marriage? I actually think it is the same goal with my husband and with my children. They all strongly dislike when I get angry. You are probably laughing at this wondering how on earth I think that I am not going to get angry. That isn’t my goal. My husband recently told me that when I get angry near him, he thinks I am angry with him which is totally not true. The last time I got angry near him I actually told him. I was aware of the fact that I was mad about something that had nothing to do with him. I saw the look on his face, and I turned and told him what and who I was mad at. Honestly, it was probably our fabulous 8-year-old daughter. He thanked me for telling him. He takes everything I do and say personally. He says it is because I am his person. However, a lot of my feelings have nothing to do with him and the same goes in reverse. I realize that a lot of the time when he is angry it has nothing to do with me.
So, what do I want to do differently? First, I want to make him aware of what is going on with me because a lot of the time he has no idea what he missed and why I am upset. Whether it has to do with him or someone else, I will communicate. There is the top word to success in every marriage. If we don’t communicate, we can’t get what we want and we can’t understand each other. He can’t read my mind that I want him to order dinner and give me a break. He can’t read my mind that I want him to empty the trash. He doesn’t know that I need to run upstairs and take a parenting break unless I tell him. I have to communicate. I am not going to expect him to read my mind. I am going to communicate more and ask for what I want. I am going to let him know when I am upset whether it is with him or about something else. When I am angry with him, I am going to communicate when I am in a resourceful place. Communicating when we are red and angry gets us nowhere good.
Now for my kids. I want to enjoy them more. I am always doing things for them. Today I cooked all five of us three meals. I don’t eat breakfast (intermittent fasting) so it was really 14 meals. I feel like all I did was cook for them today. Last night we played games together and I felt so happy that we were giggling and being together. I want more of that. Less doing and more being with my family. Do you notice a theme? I want to take them on more family adventures. I am hoping to get them back to Universal Studios this year. I am hoping to get them to a beach. I want to take them skiing again. I love when we all spend time together. My goal is to take them on one fun vacation this year. My goal is to do at least one family adventure each month. The adventure can be playing a new board game. It does not have to be out of the house. We played in our backyard with the snow together and that felt like an adventure to me.
I also want to communicate with them when I am in a resourceful place. My big goal this year is that when I am angry, I am going to take some time to cool off before I end up yelling at my kids or my husband. If we are aware of needing a time out – I encourage you to take it. I see improvement this past year, but I have a long way to go. You have heard me say this many times, but I will never give up! I will take notes in my journal daily in regards to my emotions. How did I handle my frustration and anger? Was I able to give myself a cooling off period before I tried to communicate while I was unresourceful?
Food goals – I am entering a new relationship with food this year. We have had a bad relationship. No more extremes for me. I am entering the world of moderation. I will continue to work on intermittent fasting. Right now, I start eating around noon and end around 7 PM. I will continue to push this and maintain or fast longer. I do not expect to be perfect with this every day, but I do this most days of the week (5 or 6). I will continue to work on being mindful in my actions whether it is in regards to a food choice or what I say to someone. It all boils down to self control. I will let the word guilt go in my life. No more guilt. Conscious healthy food choices, intermittent fasting and moderation.
My husband said that I could be funny and say that I am breaking up with food. That is actually the exact opposite of where my head is at. I am walking into a year of forming a better relationship with food. We need food. It nourishes us and makes us healthy. My overarching goal for the year is more peace. Peace is the key word. Peace with my family. Calmness with my family. Peace with food. Peace with myself. The key word this year is peace. I love myself the most when I am calm. I am hardest on myself when I am reactive. For those of you who know that I love turtles, this is why. Turtles remind me to slow down and smell the roses. Turtles remind me of peace and calmness. Ironically my friend chose Shalom in the Home for our book club pick this month and that couldn’t be more appropriate. Shalom means peace. Cheers to more peace in 2021.
Let’s not forget my work goals. I almost forgot this! This is a perfect place for me to end because work in 2020 was very exciting for me. I continued my blog. My Vlog hugely grew in popularity. I started my WhinyPaluza Podcast, and I released my first book. This was a really great year for Whinypaluza. So, what is next for me? I will continue the weekly blog, vlog and podcast. I will get my second Whinypaluza book published. I will get my children’s book with Ella published. I also want to tell you to please tell your friends about the blog, vlog and podcast. Your listening and reading and passing it on is what makes it successful and I appreciate all of you.
I want to give you some pointers to have success with whatever it is you want to accomplish. First, I find that extremes are hard to maintain. Think slow and steady when you think of your goals. Ask yourself what you will be able to sustain every day? Second write down your goals. Be very specific. Word your goals in a positive manner. You don’t have to come up with a bunch of goals. Even one goal is making a positive change in your life. Track your goals and measure them. I will use my journal for this. Re-evaluate your goals weekly or monthly. How is it going? Do you need to tweak or change it? Do you want to add another goal? If it isn’t going well what do you need to do differently? If it is going well, would you like to step it up, maintain it or change it?
My goals:
- Do something in my being category once a day for at least 30 minutes. This includes walking, enjoying nature, reading, meditating, visualization, journaling, vegging out with a good tv show or movie, coloring, puzzles. The goal is to not feel like I am DOING something. The goal is to feel like I am BEING.
- Exercise goal: A minimum of five days a week I will take a long walk, jog, weight lift, floor exercises/ some form of exercise. I will continue to increase my distance leading to being able to jog four miles by the end of the year. Today I walked Tanner and jogged on the treadmill, so I did way over my regular two miles. I’m moving in the right direction. I will visualize a lean healthy body while I exercise.
- I will focus on positive thinking and gratitude every day. I will write down a minimum of three things I am thankful for every day and will evaluate if I was able to turn any of my negative thinking or complaining around to something positive. The goal is to reframe my thinking at least once a day.
- In my marriage I will communicate when I am in a resourceful place. I will also communicate my needs. I will evaluate this in my journal every night. The goal is to calm myself down before I communicate at least once a day if needed. I can increase this as I get more successful.
- With my children I will also communicate when I am in a resourceful place. I will also do at least one family adventure every month. As a family we will take at least one vacation this year.
- Food – I will be strict with intermittent fasting at least five days a week (usually every day). I begin eating at 12 and I end eating at 7. I will make good food choices. I will form a happy peaceful relationship with food. I will be a minimum of 25 pounds thinner by 2022. I will weigh myself every Friday. I will evaluate my food choices in my journal every night with the goal of making one extra healthy decision each day.
- Work goals for the year – Whinypaluza book number two and finish my children’s book with Ella. Continue with the blog, vlog and Podcast and increase my paycheck. Due to privacy the amount will only be told to my husband. Financial goal number one was achieved, and I am moving on to goal number two.
I could go on and on. I work on myself every day. All my goals will be tracked in my journal every night. I hope that sharing this has helped or inspired you. It has certainly helped me. I would absolutely love to hear what you are working on? I know that 7 is a lot of goals. 1-3 goals are plenty to make. We really should focus on three things at a time so I will prioritize. I prioritize exercise, food and resourceful communication. Let us all remember that this is a daily thing. This is not just for January. This is every day all year every year. I know that we can all make positive changes in our lives.
Wishing everyone a very Happy New year!
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
