Mister Mom.
So I attempted to do everything my wife does in a day.
Key word is attempted.
Why would I do such a crazy thing?
Because she had continuing education for her social worker license, so she was going to be at “work” all day.
So I thought I would try and take her place, in case she ever went back to work before lillie hits kindergarten. That won’t happen as we only have one year left, but she’s always telling me that if I tried too do what she did I would fall over.
Spoiler alert: I fell over. Multiple times.
Plus she even helped me so I didn’t have to do EVERYTHING.
She made the lunches for all three kids the night before.
Then she woke up early and packed all of their backpacks.
And she laid out all of their clothes.
And she wrote me out a detailed itinerary of who needed to be where when.
So what did I do?
Somehow I managed to sleep through my alarm, as for some reason the kids did not wake me up.
I don’t understand this, as every other day when Rebecca is home the kids get me up early. The one day she’s not here and I actually need to get up, they let me sleep.
But not so late as to make me late for anything, that would not have been pretty.
I woke up and fed max and Ella breakfast.
I got them dressed (well, Max dresses himself).
I brushed their teeth.
I attempted to do Ella’s hair (sorry Ella, not my best dad talent).
Then Lillie woke up.
I threw her in the car in her pajamas and no shoes.
I took Max and Ella to school.
Luckily we left at the right time for drop off.
It’s all about what time we leave the house.
Leave at one time, and there’s no one in line, and you are in and out in two minutes.
Leave a few minutes later and there are 10 cars ahead of you, plus the caffeine addicted moms who are trying to turn left into Tim Hortons, thus blocking the left turn lane into school.
Seriously? You can’t go with the light? Or get coffee before you go into the circle?
Thanks Timmy ho.
I suggest we take up a collection to buy the two houses next to Tim Hortons and bulldoze them so there is more room for the line of caffeine addicts.
I’ve never been a coffee drinker, but if I have to keep being Rebecca, I might start.
Lillie and I come home.
I make Lillie her morning breakfast shake, following the recipe and the ingredients laid out by Rebecca.
I vacuum the living room.
I sweep every room downstairs.
I attempted to empty and load the dishwasher.
I never succeed because I always load it wrong (according to Rebecca).
I played dolls with Lillie.
I get her dressed.
I brush her teeth.
I attempted to do her hair (sorry Lillie).
Even daddy’s pony tails are lame.
I drive her to her friend little Ella’s house.
We pick up Ella.
I drive them to UPK
I meet their teacher (who I haven’t met yet), and drop them off.
I drive to Kinkos to pick up some stuff I need for my upcoming conference in Las Vegas the next day.
I drive to work.
I have a meeting with my staff.
I bring in a new client.
I reply to emails.
I coordinate a clients book launch – he hits #25 on Amazon on day one, and #2 on day two!
I go to the gas station as I am now on empty.
I see why Rebecca has three times as many miles on her car as I do, when we leased them the same month.
I run home to get a fleece in case the kids want to play on the playground in the cold.
I go to pre school
I pick up the girls.
I drive them to little Ella’s house.
Lillie and Ella decide to have a contest to see who can hold on to the hand grip the longest.
Lillie loses and starts crying and screaming.
Then they have a contest on who has a fancier dress on.
Ella insists hers is fancier because it is purple.
Lillie starts screaming.
I end the contest and start a Barbie music sing along.
Everybody’s happy again.
I drop Ella off at her house.
I race to school to pick up Max and Ella.
It’s rainy and cold so I avoid the playground.
We head home.
Mean daddy makes them do homework as soon as they get home.
Rebecca gets home from training for 5 minutes before she is going out with friends for dinner.
As I am leaving for Las Vegas at 5am the next day, and am leaving her to prep for lillies birthday party by herself, I figure I shouldn’t complain.
Our friend who she is going out to dinner with drops off her daughter who I am watching so they can go out.
The kids play happily together (thank G-d) until Rebecca gets home from dinner and the mom takes her daughter home.
Then we get the kids ready for bed.
She wants to tell me about her training, and I make myself listen for a few minutes before I pass out to get my few hours of sleep before my trip.
Holy Crap!
Lessons learned:
If you are going to do that much driving you MUST have a car charger for your phone. I did not.
Watch your gas gauge – I see now why Rebecca doesn’t realize she’s on empty, and it seems like she’s on empty at least once a week, probably more I just don’t know about it.
Bring protein bars in the car – I never had time to eat lunch,
The 90 minutes Lillie is actually in school (because you need time to drive back and forth), isn’t enough time to get much done.
You basically have time to get one or two errands done before you have to go get her.
Is it time for kindergarten yet?
It’s exhausting – I should have skipped work and taken a nap for 90 minutes.
I don’t know how Rebecca does it.
So I raise a glass (with lots of alcohol) to all you super moms out there.
Have a stiff drink and a massage and a mani-pedi, you deserve it!
